One of the mantra’s that my counselor taught me was a simple phrase that packed a huge punch: That was then, this is now. I say it over and over everyday. She told me the point was to teach my mind to let go of what I cannot control.
Let me give you a snapshot of me, from then to now –
I grew up in an upper middle class family. I never wanted for anything. To say my brothers and I were spoiled would be a gross understatement. My family is Catholic, traditional, conservative. My father was a pilot for the Navy and then worked for a private airline. I got postcards from all over the world – hence my travel bug – but if I had to pick between shoe boxes full of cities and having a dad, there would be no contest.
My mom did the best she could to raise us alone. I have two older brothers, one is 2 years older and the other 8. She was always selfless and everything she did was literally for us. She was the “fun mom.” That mom that everyone wished for. She was different at home when you were alone with her, but no one ever knew it. It was not until much later that I found out she had depression too.
The mania made her your best friend and your worst enemy.
Fast forward. I have overcome every type of abuse, sexual assaults’, suicide attempts and one physically abusive relationship.
So now here we are. If you have made it this far into my ramblings, thank you. Thank you for listening. I just turned 30 and I look back on my past as if it were a bad movie or someone else’s life. “That was then – this is now” right?
Now I am rebuilding my relationship with myself and my family. I am starting over, figuring out what I really want and not what everyone else wants for me. My counselor said that I am starting a new chapter. I like to think of it as starting a new book.